Exam season can be a stressful time for many households. For teenagers, it’s a period of intense pressure and potential stress and for a parent or carer it can be a time which causes anxiety and feelings of helplessness.
There are, however, ways to help your teen – not in the role of a tutor, but instead as an anchor, with empathy and practical strategies. Working together, you and your teen can navigate this period with greater confidence and resilience.
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Understanding teen stress: seeing the world through their eyes
To support your teen, it can be helpful to first understand the pressures they face. It’s more than a fear of bad grades. They may be experiencing:
- Academic pressure: this isn't just about GCSEs or A-Levels. It’s the constant cycle of mocks, coursework, and the fear that their future hinges on these results.
- Social pressure: navigating friendships in a time where social media can have a negative impact. Comparison can come into play here, where it seems like everyone else’s life looks perfect.
- The pressure of expectations: from school, from family, and, most importantly, from themselves.
Mental health charity Mind, also highlight that this isn’t just about feeling nervous on the day. It can be the time leading up to exams, during and then after, waiting for the results.1
Talking about exams and results: the art of supportive conversation
The right conversation can make your teen feel supported but the wrong one can lead to them shutting them down completely. The aim is to be a trusted sounding board, not another source of pressure.
1) Start by setting the scene
Forget the formal sit-down. The best chats happen naturally during side-by-side activities, for example while driving, cooking, or walking the dog.
2) In these relaxed moments, try active listening
Ask open-ended questions like, “What was the most frustrating part of studying today?” Then, truly listen to understand. You can show you’re following by reflecting back: “So it sounds like you’re mainly worried about finishing the paper on time.”
An important thing to remember during these chats is empathy and validation. A simple, “It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy load,” or “That sounds tough,” can make your teen feel heard, helping lower their stress.
3) When they share struggles, focus on effort over outcome
Instead of fixating on grades, praise the hard work you see: “I’ve noticed how dedicated you’ve been to your revision schedule, and that really matters.”
If they declare, “I’m just rubbish at chemistry,” gently steer the conversation toward growth. You might say, “It’s a tough subject you’re still mastering. What’s one corner of it we could tackle together?”
4) Finally, be mindful of common missteps
If they're not ready to talk, don't force it. Just letting them know you're there and you're thinking about it with them can significantly reduce the sense of isolation.
Also, avoid comparing them to siblings or friends, dismissing their fears with a “Don’t worry,” or amplifying anxiety with phrases like, “Your whole future depends on this.”
Your role is to try and lower the temperature, not raise it.
>Use our tips and tools for talking with your teen for some further guidance.
Top tips to help build resilience and create a calmer home
Exam stress has a way of filling the whole house. The most effective approach is to tackle it together as a team:
1) Establish calming routines
Predictability is a powerful antidote to anxiety, as routine can offer comfort and stability. A predictable schedule can be particularly helpful during challenging times.2
Start with the basics:
- Protect sleep by modelling good habits, like reducing screen use before bed.
- Make nutrition easy by preparing simple, healthy snacks together.
- Most importantly, treat downtime not as a luxury, but as a non-negotiable part of the schedule. Literally put it in the diary, as this tells everyone that recharging is a priority.
>Read more about the impact of screen use on sleep and mood.
2) Integrate practical stress-busters
When pressure mounts, have some simple techniques ready to use, to help you’re your teen’s stress:
Try box breathing together – inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold again for four. As mental health company Calm explain: “When everything feels overwhelming, box breathing can act as an anchor. Focusing on your breath and rhythm gives your brain a break from the chaos, reducing feelings of anxiety and stress.3
Another useful tool is the “5-4-3-2-1” grounding exercise – this can help panicked minds reconnect with the present moment. It involves listing:
- five things they can see,
- four things they can feel,
- three things they can hear,
- two things they can smell,
- and one thing they can taste.
Like box breathing, this grounding technique helps to take your mind off of any uncomfortable symptoms or thoughts and helps reduce stress.4
3) Model healthy coping
Remember the principle of emotional co-regulation: your calm can be their calm.
When you feel your own anxiety rising, verbalise your coping strategy. Say, “I’m feeling a bit stressed, so I’m going to make a cup of tea and sit quietly for five minutes.” This not only helps manage your stress but gives your teen permission to do the same.
4) Implement daily support tips
Break it down – help your teen avoid overwhelm by breaking revision into manageable, 25-minute chunks, with a short break between the next task.
Protect balance – ensure their schedule includes time completely away from their desk. Downtime isn't wasted time. It’s tempting to think that every spare minute should be spent revising, but that’s a fast track to burnout.
Resilience is built through balance. Encourage them to reward themselves by doing something they enjoy. If they’ve planned to watch a film or play a game, don’t frame it as a distraction. Instead, you could say, "Good, you've got a break planned - it's important to switch off."
Celebrate small wins – acknowledge completing a practice paper. This reinforces that the effort itself is an achievement.
Recognising the signs of stress
Stress manifests in different ways. Distinguishing between typical stress and something more serious is important. Think of expected stress as a ‘weather front' – it’s temporary and passes. This includes:
- some irritability and mood swings,
- increased focus on revision,
- mild, short-term sleep disruption,
- wanting more time alone but still connecting.
Think of concerning behaviour as a 'shift in climate' – a fundamental, persistent change. Signs to look out for include:
- a negative change in mood lasting over two weeks,
- complete social withdrawal from friends and family,
- talk of hopelessness, worthlessness, or being a burden.
When to seek extra support
As parents or carers, we want to handle everything ourselves. But there are times when professional help is the most loving and responsible step. If you see persistent 'shift in climate’ changes mentioned above that last for more than a couple of weeks, it's time to reach out.
Start with your GP, who can refer to appropriate services. You could also speak to the school about counselling or mentoring services they may have available.
Any mention of self-harm or suicide requires immediate action. This includes getting an emergency appointment with your GP, phoning 111, 999 or taking them to the nearest emergency department.
Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not failure. It shows your teen that their wellbeing is the absolute priority.
Key takeaways
Exam stress is part of a teenager’s life. While you can't sit the exam for them, your support is their most powerful tool. By understanding their world, communicating with empathy and support, and building a resilient family foundation, you do more than help them through exams – you teach them lifelong skills in managing pressure and facing challenges.
Your calm presence is their safe harbour. With you as their anchor, they know that they’re not alone, and that you’re there, no matter what, helping them to navigate this time in their life.
Article source: AXA Health’s Employee Assistance Programme
References
- Exam stress for 11-18 year-olds – Mind
- Routine Reset: Daily Habits for Good Mental Health – Psychology Today
- What is box breathing? How to do it and why it works – Calm
- Grounding exercises – NHS Inform
